An Unexpected Turn, the Second
by doctor's gal 1792
Summary: Parody of my original story, An Unexpected Turn. Please R&R!


-1A/N- Ok so those who have been a follower of mine might recall the parody I did of my story 'Gratitude'. Of course Gratitude was my first Titanic fan fiction and it was about everyone's favorite ship builder, Thomas Andrews. Well one night my mate Gina and I were talking and she said something and I seem to remember going 'Oh my gosh that's so funny! I should write a parody of Gratitude and have that in there!'. Well with loads of help from our beloved Gina (aka: Antoinette Rose), I wrote that parody which was titled 'Gratitude the Second'. Well I have been thinking and with the help again of my partner in crime Gina and I will be giving you a parody of my William Murdoch story 'An Unexpected Turn the Second'. That's what this is; below you will find what happens to be our writings of how we are making fun of my own story. As I said on the Gratitude A/N, this is how the story would of been had I let my mental side take over while writing this story! So yea...

Disclaimer: I do not own Titanic, William Murdoch, J. Bruce Ismay (who would want to own him?), Henry Wilde, or any of the other characters involved in this story. Although I do in-fact own Gwen, Melanie (if she is involved), and Gwen's maid who I am so horrible because I really do not remember her name...So yea. In the writing of this story we have not set out to be disrespectful towards the people who lived, worked, and died on the RMS Titanic. We have the greatest respect for everyone who was on that ship, everyone who survived, and everyone who died. God bless the souls of those who were lost on Titanic.  
Oh and yes, we do not own the tune 'Trapped in the Closet' there's a part being sung by Will and it's 'Trapped in the Closet' by R Kelly but I changed the words...so yea...Also the song sung by Bruce and Cal is my re-done version of the awesome Billie Piper song 'Because We Want To' and of course the 'Pina Colada song' is in here. Also the gun song...not mine...   
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It was now the morning of the thirteenth, Gwen was sitting at the breakfast table with Bruce and the other usual people that sat with them including Thomas Andrews. Bruce was one of his usual rambles.

"I am Bruce Ismay!!!!!!!!!! President of the White Star Line! You all will bow down to me!" he screamed. 

"Bruce do me a favor," Gwen said.

"What is that dear?" he asked.

"Shut the hell up," she said as she stood up to leave.

Bruce looked shocked and then stood up.

He grabbed her hand and she stopped walking. 

"I am Bruce Ismay! President of the White Star Line! You will not walk away from Bruce Ismay!!!!!" he yelled.

Gwen pulled her hand free, raised her leg and kicked Bruce in the groin. 

Then she ran off to the deck.

"Call for the Master at Arms," Thomas Andrews whispered to a steward, "we may have to get the restraints."

Bruce began to scream and cry like a little girl, everyone at the table looked at him and laughed. Then he regained his posture and began to scream at the empty spot where Gwen had been sitting three minutes before. He took some of the china that was on the table and began to throw it everywhere, like a overgrown child throwing a tantrum.

At that opportune moment, Becky's Princess Diana, Antoinette Andrews, Thomas Andrews's only daughter, and Harold Lowe walked in, not surprised to see Bruce in such a state. They knew he was going to snap eventually. They glanced at each other, to Bruce, then back to one other before Antoinette got up the mind to say something way too smart-ass for her own good.

"And you think we're bad with the china?" she mocked, laughing. "You are such a hypocrite!"

"I am not a hypocrite, Miss Andrews!" Bruce argued, about to lunge for her. Harold pulled her back, seriously contemplating punching Bruce in the nose. "Lover Boy can't protect you forever, you know, you little whore!"

"You son of a bitch!" Harold screamed this out in anger, running towards him and picking him up by the throat. "How dare you speak about her that way! You can talk about me all you like, but not her, do you understand?" Bruce, struggling to breathe, began to swing his arms and legs around wildly, trying to loosen the now-tightening chokehold the Fifth Officer had on his beloved throat, the same throat in which he downed his brandy with.

"I can't have my brandy compensated for this!" he managed to choke out, wheezing.

"Harold, Harold!" Antoinette managed to pry Harold's fingers off of Bruce's throat, pulling him back away from him as Bruce lay, practically dead, on the ship's floor. "He's not worth it!"

"I won't have him speak to you that way!" He almost fought with her, Harold, about to smash Bruce's head in for the way he spoke to Antoinette, but Antoinette, being the clever girl that she was, pulled him into a passionate kiss to distract him. Well, he _was_ distracted and he wrapped his arms around her lovingly. No one seemed to be too distraught about the kissing session. Although Thomas was getting quite uncomfortable, to the point of turning red, and shifting in his chair, he didn't say a word, for he was almost too focused to see if Bruce was going to stand or lay on the floor. However, Bruce did stand, and he was about to start screaming at Gwen's empty chair when he saw Harold and Ann, still lip-locked.

Bruce, clearing his throat once or twice, blinking just to make sure he was truly still alive after Harold's intense grip on him, fixed his necktie before gesturing to Thomas.

"See, see!?" he accused, pointing to the two of them. "They seem to be having quite the fling!" Antoinette pulled away from the kiss with a raised eyebrow at Bruce.

"Oh, yes, we've having quite the fling!" She joked in such a serious tone, Bruce mistook it for the truth. She, however, resumed her kissing as Harold threw off his officer's hat.

"You see, you see!" Bruce felt again the need to point out to Thomas, who was still sitting calmly in his chair.

"What's going on?" A female's voice echoed through the dining hall as Thomas hid his slightly too-loud sigh. "I heard that!" she screamed. "What's going on, Antoinette!?" This, my friends, is the always unseen, always spoken of, Antoinette's mother, and Thomas's wife.

"He's making violent love to me, Mother!" she shouted so loudly surely everyone on the ship heard. Harold began to laugh hysterically, and Ann did too, before he kissed her on either cheek a few times.

"Oh, you're wonderful!" he laughed. "I love you!"

"Oh!" Antoinette's mother gasped, but remained wherever she was, unseen, for she was like God, who could only be heard but never seen.

"She's fine!" Thomas shouted to his wife.

"She's having a fling with an officer, I don't think that's alright!" Bruce argued angrily, stomping his feet, beginning yet another tantrum.

"Bruce, please," Thomas begged, before seeing the Master at Arms, who he had summoned minutes before. He silently thanked God he had shown up when he did.

"Can you just do something about him?" he begged.

The Master at Arms nodded, grabbed Bruce's arm and handcuffed him to a chair. Then he grabbed Bruce roughly and began to drag him away with the chair trailing behind.

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Will Murdoch was in love, he was in love with his boss's fiancée and he felt like he was on top of the world. To make this feeling real. he looked up at one of the smoke staffs that was in the middle of the ship. His shift had ended about five minutes ago and he was thinking of what he could do. Then it hit him, he took his coat and hat off and tossed it to his fellow officer James Moody and he began to climb the smoke staff.

"What the 'ell are you doing?!" James yelled.

"I'm king of the world! Woot!" Will yelled as Gwen came out.

He looked down and saw Gwen standing there.

"Here!" he yelled as he threw a little box down to her.

Gwen looked in the box and saw a plastic ring.

"William I'm engaged already!" she yelled as she threw the ring back up.

Will reached to grab it but instead it went inside another smoke staff.

"I'm not king of the world! Woot!" he yelled.

Meanwhile Bruce was still being dragged up the deck. He saw the whole scene with the ring and he remembered his ring.

"Officer Moody, Officer Lowe, I'll pay you one thousand dollars if you take a diving suit and go and fetch my ring from the bottom of the ocean!" Bruce yelled.

"How about no! You freaky Dutch bastard!" Harold said.

"I'm not Dutch..." Bruce said.

Then he shoved Jim over the side of the ship and threw a diving suit down to him.

"You are not allowed back onto this ship until you find that damn ring!!!!" Bruce yelled.

Harold looked at his boss and slapped him. Then he went over to the side of the ship and tried to reach over to help Jim back up.

"Here! Take my hand!" Harold called.

"Harry I can't reach your arm! You're too high up!" Jim called.

Meanwhile Gwen was messing around with all of the gadgets in the bridge room while Will still screamed that he loved Gwendolyn Wilde with all of his heart. Bruce was standing on the deck, for some reason the Master at Arms had just left him there and currently Bruce was talking to Cal Hockley.

"Bruce...I love you!" Cal said.

"I really don't care, I'm trying to fetch my damn ring!" Bruce said.

"I want to give you a box of chocolate."

"Ooh I like the kind with caramel in the middle!" Bruce said as he forgot about the ring and the poor officer that was trying to get back onto the ship.

The Master at Arms looked at the two men with a raised eyebrow.

"Wow you really aren't a man, are you, sir? Or should I say _Miss_ Ismay?" the Master at Arms mocked.

"But I am a man! Look I have tools!" Bruce pulled out a necklace that had a hammer, a screwdriver, and a ruler. "Although, I can't use this one. I can't seem to figure it out," he said as he held up the ruler.

"Real men don't wear necklaces," Harold said suddenly after getting Jim back onto the ship.

"But it's a manly necklace! It's made of silver," Bruce replied.

Just then the necklace broke because Bruce had tied the tools onto a piece of cooking twine that he had stolen from the kitchen. Before anyone could do or say anything, Bruce let out a scream like a little girl because the hammer landed on his big toe. 

Later that night Gwen was sitting on her sofa talking with Will. Just then there was a knock on the door, Gwen looked alarmed, grabbed Will by the arm and shoved him into the closet.

"Time to go in the closet," she whispered.

Then she rushed to the door and pulled it open, on the other side was her father.

"Are you alone my pet?" he asked.

Gwen put on a high pitched voice, "Why yes I am."

She was silent for a moment, her father was about to open his mouth to say something again but instead Gwen began to speak.

"Well actually I'm not alone, Will is trapped in the closet," she answered.

Her father came in and then a moment later Harold, Jim, Officer Lightoller, Thomas Andrews, Antoinette Andrews and Bruce showed up.

"Seven o'clock in the evening  
and Gwen is in the other room lying  
Her dad is there  
In a room that don't belong to him  
And a voice says, "Are you alone my pet?", from the other side  
Then she lies and says yes  
And then she told the truth

Now I've got this dumb look on my face  
Like, what am I going to do?  
The door opens, and a load of people come in   
and now I'm trapped in the closet  
Oh, what was on my mind?   
From my shift, coming here to see her  
Didn't plan to stay that long

Here I am, quickly tryin' to figure out what to do  
Searching for my hat  
Tryin' to get on up out the door   
Then she blocked the door  
Said, "No one can go in here"   
Looked at the door, and realized I was trapped  
Said under my breath "Oh sweet Lord"  
Said, "Please don't come in"   
She said, "Please don't go in there"  
"Gwen we have to look"  
She said, her maid was hiding in the closet

"Shh, shh, quiet"  
I can hear people coming  
She said, "Don't you look in there!"  
Or some stuff will be going down"  
Her father said "Why doesn't Judy come out?"  
"Yes, except for one thing...she's scared of crowds"  
Think, think, quick, get them away from this closet  
And now I'm in this darkest closet, tryin' to figure out  
Just how I'm gonna get my crazy ass up out this suite

Then Bruce walks in and says "I want my Cal"  
She says, "Bruce, Cal isn't here"  
He walks in there with a frown on his face  
Sayin', "Gwen, he'll be here soon"  
She stares at him  
And says, "I've got your chocolate, and cigars"  
I'm tellin' you now, this girl's so good that she deserves an award

Rolls a cigar on out  
And start to snatchin' the wrapper off  
I'm in the closet, like man, what the hell is going on?  
You're not gonna believe it   
But things get deeper as the story goes on  
Next thing you know, the door swings open  
I tried my best to listen  
But from the way she acted, I could tell it was a whole crowd  
She jumped up and said, "There's something crazy here  
And I'm gonna deal with it"  
And I'm like, "God please, don't let anyone open this closet"

They walk in the bedroom  
And tunes the victrolla

She says, "Please get out"  
They say, "It's time to party"   
They pull back the curtains  
While she's biting her nails   
Then more walk into the room  
Right now, I'm sweating like hell  
They look for the brandy  
On the coffee table  
Then they look at the closet  
I pull out my gun  
They walk up to the closet  
They come up to the closet  
Now they are at the closet   
Now they're opening the closet…

Well...  
Now they are staring at me like  
they were seeing a ghost  
She yells daddy let me explain  
Bruce says you don't have to go no further   
I can clearly see what's going on  
Behind my back, with my brandy, on this ship  
Then I said wait a minute now hold on  
I said, "Sir your brandy is fine"  
He says, "Well as long as its' fine,  
I'll go in the closet"  
She said "Bruce I should've known"  
That's when the door opened.  
I thought 'who is it now?'  
I said "Let me out"   
Then we hear this girl voice and I'm like whoa  
"There's a reason I'm in this closet"  
Bruce says, "yeah like making the moves on my brandy"  
I said "I don't drink brandy"  
And the girly man's voice says, "Bruce darling I'm home"  
And we all know it's Cal  
and I said "I'd kill you if you weren't my boss"  
And he said "Never mind, Cal darling I'm in here"  
Then we hear footsteps, and the door opens.  
Before I can move, Cal squashes in  
He moves a little bit closer  
I point my gun and says "I don't want a part of this  
They say something about caramel  
And I just roll my eyes  
I said well let me out  
Why can't we handle this normal like?  
And I started to put the gun down  
Til I saw their faces covered in chocolate  
She started cryin, sayin daddy I'm sorry  
Then he said it'll be alright  
I started inchin' towards the door  
They say 'we need some milk'  
Then Bruce said 'Shake a leg Gwen'  
She said 'I am no one's maid'  
I'm like what is goin on inside their head?  
Then Bruce says 'I'm just here in the closet  
trapped in the closet'  
Listen I just need for you to get me the hell out  
He looks at me and says well since we're all comin out the closet  
I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted  
We said 'What do ya mean?'  
And he said just wait and see  
I said somebody better get me out  
And then he starts to sing  
"Were just trapped in the closet, comin out of the closet, here in the closet  
Cal we're in the closet"   
And were like "This is some messed up crap"  
And Harold says "Ooh look a salmon"  
He said "closet"   
And I'm lookin at the door knob  
Thomas says "I'm surrounded by morons"  
I said I'm gonna count to four, and then I'm opening the door  
1, Bruce says chocolate  
2, she says "Will I love you"  
3, Thomas says "Just shoot Bruce"  
4, she opens the door  
Then I come out of the closet, and now I'm out of the closet,  
Bruce is trapped in the closet,  
and I'm just glad to be out of the closet."   
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The next morning at the church service they were singing the old hym 'Eternal Father Strong to Save'...that is except for Bruce and Cal.

Both had stayed in the closet all night, drinking brandy, and now they had a horrible hangover.

"Eternal father, strong to save, whose arm does bind the restless wave," sang the first class group.

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.  
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape," sang Bruce.  
"I'll escape with you!" cried Cal.  
Thomas glared at the hung over/drunk couple, "The song is 'Eternal Father Strong to Save', get it right..." he paused, "idiots" he muttered under his breath.  
"Only if you bring me caramel," Bruce paused and then continued to sing.

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne. If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.  
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape." They all finished singing and soon after Gwen went for a stroll down the deck with Will. As they walked and discussed the weather they heard Cal and Bruce skipping down the deck. 

"Why do we have to skip down the deck?!" cried Cal.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted.

"Why are we drinking more brandy?" Cal sang.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted again.

"Why d'you always have to dance all night?" Cal sang.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted once more.  
"Why is the chocolate missing?"

"Because we want to! Because we want to!"

The lovers then began to sing together;  
"Don't try to tell me  
What I already know   
Don't criticize me  
'Cos were running this show  
Some revolution  
Is going to happen today  
I'm gonna chase the dark clouds away  
Come on and help me sing it

We can do what we want to do  
We can do anything  
Free to be who we want to be   
Just tell yourself you can do it!"  
"Why do we have to skip down the deck?!" cried Cal.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted.

"Why are we drinking more brandy?" Cal sang.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted again.

"Why d'you always have to dance all night?" Cal sang.

"Because we want to! Because we want to!" Bruce shouted once more. 

"Why is the choclate missing?"

"Because we want to! Because we want to!"

They would've continued onto the next verse except Bruce ran right into a metal pole.  
He fell to the ground and looked up at Cal.

"Bruce...my love...are you alright?" Cal asked.

"Wow my head...wait...where's me ruler?" Bruce replied.

Before Cal could answer, Bruce's eyes went wide in amazement.  
"Look at the pretty birds," he said slowly in a childish voice. 

Gwen sighed as she and Will continued to stroll up the deck.   
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THAT NIGHT  
It was now a few minutes after the ship had hit the iceberg. Bruce was climbing up a rope holding onto it tightly.

"Save me!!" he was crying.

Will was sitting on a bench on the deck, right below Bruce, with a wooden box, inside the box were a various arrangement of guns.

"William's got a gun," he sang.

"He's got a gun!!!!" Gwen cried.

"Who's got a gun?!" Bruce and Cal asked.

Cal looked up at Bruce shaking a box of chocolates.

"Bruce...my love...I'll give you some caramel if you come down," Cal said.   
Bruce's eyes went wide at the sight of the chocolate and began to slowly climb down the rope.

He stood up on the deck and began to drool at the sight of the candy. 

"Sit...my darling...sit," Cal ordered. 

Bruce sat down, like a dog.

"Stay...you're such a good boy...now stay," Cal said. 

He picked a piece of candy out of the box and threw it to Bruce. Bruce caught it with his mouth and swallowed it. 

"Good boy!!!!" Cal cried. 

Will then stood up and walked over to where they were beginning to load one of the boats. Bruce spotted the abandoned gun case and grabbed one of the guns out of the box.  
He walked over to Will and grabbed him by the neck. 

"You put me on a boat my good man...or else you won't be so good anymore...man," Bruce said.  
Will was about to let the man onto the boat, because he didn't want to get shot, when suddenly Thomas Andrews walked up.  
"What are you doing exactly?" he asked.  
"Well...I want to get onto a boat...," Bruce paused and then began to ramble about Will and the guns, chocolate and the idea of putting the brandy on the boat also. 

Thomas looked at him appalled, "Bruce...are you drunk?!" he asked. 

Bruce thought about the question for a moment..."Yup," he said with a grin. 

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Thomas cried. 

"You see my good man...I need brandy to function on a daily basis," Bruce replied. 

"You don't need brandy to function on a daily basis," Thomas said. 

"You don't understand!! Being a man is difficult...you wouldn't understand, but you know what's harder?! Being Bruce Ismay, President of the White Star Line!! That is tough too, the brandy helps me!!!" Bruce cried. 

Thomas looked confused..."Wait a minute...what?!" he asked. 

A LITTLE WHILE LATER

The ship was almost entirely under water, Gwen was sitting in a boat which was floating close by to Bruce and Cal's.

"I'm cold Bruce...get over here...I want your jacket," Cal cried. 

Amongst the screams of horror, "Do you have any caramel?" Bruce asked. Cal paused as a look of horror crossed his face. 

"No," he said slowly. 

"GO BACK!!! WE HAVE TO GO BACK FOR THE CHOCOLATE!!!!" Bruce suddenly began to scream.

"We have to get to that boat right there," Cal said with a point to the ship. 

"We're not moving the boat," the officer said. 

"But I am Caledon--" 

"I don't care who you are...we're not moving the boat," the officer replied. 

"Well we need to!" Cal cried. He then grabbed an oar and began to attempt to row towards the ship. The Officer pulled his gun out and whacked him over the head with it, knocking Cal out instantly.

A few hours later Gwen was on the Carpathia, a few days later she got off the ship, returned to Liverpool and lived the rest of her life...with her siblings...

THE END

A/N- ok so that was soo random...and prob stupid...so yea...THANK YOU GINA FOR YOUR IDEAS!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! 


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